I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
