Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
