a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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