my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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