There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
