I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Farmville is her only friend.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
