somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
