Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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