i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
