"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
