so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
