Small penises have feelings too.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
