Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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