I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
