I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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