I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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