Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
