I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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