Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
