White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
