Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
