is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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