i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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