I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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