U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is Oprah even human
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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