i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
