Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
