That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
