I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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