she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
