Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
