the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
