New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
