I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
