i can't believe i had my finger in that
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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