nut hugger
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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