I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
