sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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