Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was born a porn star she said
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
