I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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