once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
