You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
God, I missed his penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
