We're facebook friends in real life
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
