we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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