If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
