i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
