I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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