if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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