I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
