We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
