Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
