Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
