did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
