Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
